YOU'RE NOT HELPING
*Redheaded Rant Alert* Today's post is directed to the friends and family on the periphery that think they're helping their disorganized friend. I'd offer you a crash helmet but I want to make sure this sinks in.
If you say things like:
- What the hell is wrong with you?
- How can you live like this? (in a judgmental way)
- If it were me, I'd do XYZ. (This one is specifically for those that are trying to give advice to someone who has already hired a professional for help, but still applies especially if they're forking over dud advice.)
- It's all just shit. Throw it away.
- Why can't you just throw this shit away?
I could go on and on in this vein of things I've heard and witnessed with my clients but instead I'm just going to say this:
YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!!
Just in case you didn't, let's try this one more time...
Man I wish I could make that bigger.
When you put this negative bullshit out there the only thing you're doing is making the situation worse. I guarantee you that if your friend or loved one is disorganized, they already know it. The disorganization, overwhelm, panic, anxiety, fear, dread, depression, and a whole host of negative emotions probably already consumes their thoughts. Don't add to it.
Seriously. Don't be that asshole.
First, the disorganized person needs to come to their own conclusions that they want to become organized. These things can't be forced upon them.
Next, if they ask for help, you must be GENTLE!
(OK...gentle seems weird in all caps, but so be it...I digress. Again.)
If your friend/family member is struggling, show compassion. Kindness. Patience. Non-judgement. If you can't help without passing judgement, do NOT offer yourself up to help no matter how organized you think you are. You won't help.
You love your friend, right? You want them to become more organized, yes? You know how much better they'll feel and function when they get to that point, correct?
Then don't be a dick in the process. If you can't manage that, then I'd love to extend this fabulous, hand-letterpressed invitation to shut up.
*end redheaded rant*