Redheaded Rant: Don't be "That Guy"
Today's redheaded rant is brought to you by the letters "T" and "G" for "that guy.'
In Mad Men's "The Runaways," Stan Rizzo says to Lou Avery, "If you're telling me this is your dream then that's great. I hate those naysaying assholes."
Don't be a naysaying asshole.
For the sake of the rest of this article, "naysaying asshole" = "that guy."
What's provoked this rant you ask?
It's my pleasure to tell you!
I received an update from an email coaching client who has done some seriously KICK ASS decluttering work. DOZENS of bags of trash have gone out the door. Piles of things have gone to donations. The massive amount of work she's done with a little direction and encouragement from me has been nothing short of spectacular.
You see, the kick-off to the clean-out was an upcoming visit from my client's brother. She hasn't welcomed anyone into her home for quite some time and was really excited about the possibility of being able to do so now.
The time of his visit had arrived, and my client was thrilled to be able to welcome her brother and his wife into her home.
However - even after all of the major work my client has done - her sister-in-law took a few steps into the home, looked around, and said she'd wait outside. Her brother said it was cleaner than the last time he saw it, but he and his wife still quickly left.
Needless to say, my poor client was beyond disappointed. She worked her tail off!
And you know what?
This whole scenario PISSES ME OFF. I want to hug her and smack those two upside the head. She's worked her ass off to prepare for their visit.
Her brother and sister-in-law? SO "that guy."
Do you have someone in your life that has more clutter in their home than you'd prefer in yours?
Don't be "that guy."
If you feel yourself becoming "that guy," turn the asshole button off , and turn on the supportive button instead with these things:
If someone is doing anything that shows forward motion in letting go of clutter, be supportive.
If someone is even only discussing actions to take that will create forward motion, be supportive. Talking about it is the first step to action.
- If you don't like how someone else does it, keep your mouth shut. Be supportive instead. It doesn't matter how you would do it. It's not your house. This house is to support them and their needs, not yours. If it works for them, honor that and be supportive.
- If they need help and aren't ready for it, don't shove it on them. I am fabulous for people who are ready. I can not and will not deliver results if they're not. When we're ready, the teacher will appear. Until then, guess what? Be supportive!
If you can't be supportive, don't put yourself in a situation where you're going to prove yourself to be "that guy."
Nobody likes "that guy."
Good friends and family, like a good bra, are properly supportive with just the right amount of verve.
Unfortunate friends and family, like bad bras, are massively uncomfortable and nobody wants them around.
Please don't be the human equivalent of an unruly underwire poking someone in the boob. Just as the underwire hurts physically, the human equivalent hurts emotionally.
Just. Don't. Do. It.
Cleaning out can be really difficult. People are facing decisions, bad past events, traumas, and potentially much, much more that they've been putting off for up to decades. They don't need your disdain, condescension, or any other crappy unsupportive b.s. that you want to dish out.
You may think you're being "helpful" but in truth, you're being a jerkwad and more often than not this negativity sets back their progress.
Not the desired effect you were going for, was it?
If you feel "that guy" rising to the surface, take a moment and a breath, then be supportive instead.
If you're the one cleaning up and feel attacked by "that guy," take a moment and a breath. Then know that they're jerkwadiness has nothing to do with you. Shake it off and keep moving forward.
In the end, it's your home and your goal and don't let anyone throw you off track!